Methinks that whatshisface from I-Candy doth pluck too much? What you think?
Tuesday, August 30, 2005
Reality Check
I'm not in Vegas. No, I'm at my office in downtown LA nursing a bad stomach flu that I got from the EX.
Fucking bitch. I curse anyone who gives me the shits...except that the EX is still the sweetest piece of man candy in the world. Grrrr...As much as I would LOVE to HATE him, I can't!
So this past weekend was spent with me lying on the couch moaning, passing gas, and watching Laguna Beach reruns. How very UN-GLAM! SEE HOW THE MIGHTY HAVE FALLEN?! I've become Anna Nicole pre-TrimSpa. I used to be thin, gorgeous, and in demand.
Altho I felt like complete ASS, I let myself get dragged out to I-Candy in WeHo. That's the bar being featured on that cheesey ass reality show on Bravo with the buff muscle queen with the overly plucked eyebrows crying about how he came out late in life because being gay in LA is so hard. YAWN.
Go watch some hurricane coverage bitch, get off your cross, and realize how lucky you are that youre a rich white man living in California. You may suck dick, but at least you're not starving. Actually far from it. Cry me a river, faggot.
Btw, looking at that hurricane coverage, it makes you realize one important lesson: When the government says to evacuate an area, you do it. Apparantly about 50,000 peole chose to ignore the evacutation notice and ended up realized they made a big mistake once the water filled their houses. That's fucking scary shit there people. I'm including the victims of the hurricane in my prayers.
And now back to my shallow life:
Last night I had to say good-bye to Kirk, my geeky animator, who's off to Italy and New York for two months to work on a series of coffee commercials. Am I sad? Ehhh...uhh... not really.
I told him to have fun, fuck hot D & G models, and to get tan.
And as of Thursday, I finally have health insurance. HEALTH BENEFITS, WHATS UP!??!
One of the few perks of having a boring fucking job.
Fucking bitch. I curse anyone who gives me the shits...except that the EX is still the sweetest piece of man candy in the world. Grrrr...As much as I would LOVE to HATE him, I can't!
So this past weekend was spent with me lying on the couch moaning, passing gas, and watching Laguna Beach reruns. How very UN-GLAM! SEE HOW THE MIGHTY HAVE FALLEN?! I've become Anna Nicole pre-TrimSpa. I used to be thin, gorgeous, and in demand.
Altho I felt like complete ASS, I let myself get dragged out to I-Candy in WeHo. That's the bar being featured on that cheesey ass reality show on Bravo with the buff muscle queen with the overly plucked eyebrows crying about how he came out late in life because being gay in LA is so hard. YAWN.
Go watch some hurricane coverage bitch, get off your cross, and realize how lucky you are that youre a rich white man living in California. You may suck dick, but at least you're not starving. Actually far from it. Cry me a river, faggot.
Btw, looking at that hurricane coverage, it makes you realize one important lesson: When the government says to evacuate an area, you do it. Apparantly about 50,000 peole chose to ignore the evacutation notice and ended up realized they made a big mistake once the water filled their houses. That's fucking scary shit there people. I'm including the victims of the hurricane in my prayers.
And now back to my shallow life:
Last night I had to say good-bye to Kirk, my geeky animator, who's off to Italy and New York for two months to work on a series of coffee commercials. Am I sad? Ehhh...uhh... not really.
I told him to have fun, fuck hot D & G models, and to get tan.
And as of Thursday, I finally have health insurance. HEALTH BENEFITS, WHATS UP!??!
One of the few perks of having a boring fucking job.
Thursday, August 25, 2005
Chow Chow
So it occured to me while working out last night that many of you have no real feeling for who the important people are in my life.
So here, for you, is the start of a series of handy reference guides using current pop culture fixtures.
Chow Chow, one of my most favorite people in the world, is very much one-half of the Skeletwins (TM Pink is the New Blog) meets John Cho from Harold and Kumar go to White Castle with alot of Patsy from AbFab. And a big heap of Janice Dickinson.
He spends more money on clothes a month than most people spend on rent, and he's a vicious she-bitch with sharp claws and a razor wit. I'd say he's part Naomi Campbell but everyone wants to be Naomi, including myself. Namoi is without a doubt the world's preminent Supermodel. No one else comes close to working the attitude that really defines the spirit of SUPERMODEL realness than Ms. Campbell. Go slap the help, sweetie, and do a kilo of coke off of your Louis Vutton luggage while touring Africa on some Goodwill Ambassador tour. While giving face. That's nerve.
I called him last night as he was out partying with our mutual friend Carly who's sexual orientation is harder to pin down than a greased pig at a Weight Watchers convention.
In mid-conversation, he began yelling at some car, "Take your ugly Jetta elsewhere, Jersey bitch!
Wednesday, August 24, 2005
What Happens in Vegas...
im being sent to vegas for work this weekend for the biggest fashion-buying event in the country.
MAGIC.
Bring it.
Alto I must say Vegas is disgusting. It's full of hick trash wearing oversized tees and ugly khaki shorts.
And there are NOO hot gay men there..its sort of a wasteland for the fags.
So am I excited about going? Eh.
I'll probably kill some anorexic blond bitch...or make tons of best friends.
Anyone know of a hot slutty gay stripper with tons of club and drug hook-ups?
MAGIC.
Bring it.
Alto I must say Vegas is disgusting. It's full of hick trash wearing oversized tees and ugly khaki shorts.
And there are NOO hot gay men there..its sort of a wasteland for the fags.
So am I excited about going? Eh.
I'll probably kill some anorexic blond bitch...or make tons of best friends.
Anyone know of a hot slutty gay stripper with tons of club and drug hook-ups?
The Best Week Ever
So last week was an incredible week for me.
My best friend Owen came out from Chicago to hang out with me for four days. He goes to medical school at Northwestern and he'll hopefully become a plastic surgeon someday and suck all the fat out of my ass when I'm 50 and look like Jabba the Hut.
At Stanford, we were the crazy druggie stoner bitches who thought we were so cool because we would cook K in the dorm kitchens, but honestly hanging out with him has always been more adventure and comraderie than just getting high.
Together we're like the Hardy Boys of the Circuit.
In his company though I've done some of the most rash and ridiculous things...he seems to be a catalyst for impulsive behavior.
One time during gay pride, I was drunk...natch...and while waiting in line to get into the END UP in SF (the most cracked out place on God's green earth...PERIOD), I met this FOBBY asian guy who barely spoke a word of English but was saavy enough to flash me his vial full of K. I did what any self-respecting crack head would do and proceeded to make out with the little rice paddy while swiping his K and handing it to Owen.
Karma bit fast becasue the both of us entered K holes and had to jump into the nearest cab...only to wake up on my bathroom floor the next day with a pool of drool around my head.
But this past trip was different. I had to work that weekend, and most of our time was spent catching up and working out. He's grown up to be a gorgeous man... but is refreshingly more concerned with life than looks. All in all...even though this reunion lacked black trannies, k holes, and a big party, it was nice to hang out with the man who's become my brother.
But the next time...it's on, bitches. I'm talking about Black Party/Alegria/Junior marathon, and I'm taking the House of Aviance with me... I want runway on K with a thousand buff daddies surrounding me while Abel spins. Work.
On Friday I arrived in Ptown and hung out with the EX and his friends. It was of course messy. And emotional... but completely worth it. because im criminally insane.
I could spend the rest of my life in his arms. He's coming out to visit next month and I can only hope that things become easier for us.
I love him so much that there are times I hate him. Loving someone complicates things, especially when the two people in love are control-freaks.
Well that's the update for now...
I'm going to Barry's Bootcamp sometime this week. An intense bootcamp work-out in which you do cardio for half an hour followed by free-weights. Some hot trainer I met at Crunch last night talked me into it. Supposedly they used to give t-shirts away to people who threw up, but they were giving away too many t-shirts, so now when you puke, you just get to take a break. It's totally the sick sadist shit I love.
My best friend Owen came out from Chicago to hang out with me for four days. He goes to medical school at Northwestern and he'll hopefully become a plastic surgeon someday and suck all the fat out of my ass when I'm 50 and look like Jabba the Hut.
At Stanford, we were the crazy druggie stoner bitches who thought we were so cool because we would cook K in the dorm kitchens, but honestly hanging out with him has always been more adventure and comraderie than just getting high.
Together we're like the Hardy Boys of the Circuit.
In his company though I've done some of the most rash and ridiculous things...he seems to be a catalyst for impulsive behavior.
One time during gay pride, I was drunk...natch...and while waiting in line to get into the END UP in SF (the most cracked out place on God's green earth...PERIOD), I met this FOBBY asian guy who barely spoke a word of English but was saavy enough to flash me his vial full of K. I did what any self-respecting crack head would do and proceeded to make out with the little rice paddy while swiping his K and handing it to Owen.
Karma bit fast becasue the both of us entered K holes and had to jump into the nearest cab...only to wake up on my bathroom floor the next day with a pool of drool around my head.
But this past trip was different. I had to work that weekend, and most of our time was spent catching up and working out. He's grown up to be a gorgeous man... but is refreshingly more concerned with life than looks. All in all...even though this reunion lacked black trannies, k holes, and a big party, it was nice to hang out with the man who's become my brother.
But the next time...it's on, bitches. I'm talking about Black Party/Alegria/Junior marathon, and I'm taking the House of Aviance with me... I want runway on K with a thousand buff daddies surrounding me while Abel spins. Work.
On Friday I arrived in Ptown and hung out with the EX and his friends. It was of course messy. And emotional... but completely worth it. because im criminally insane.
I could spend the rest of my life in his arms. He's coming out to visit next month and I can only hope that things become easier for us.
I love him so much that there are times I hate him. Loving someone complicates things, especially when the two people in love are control-freaks.
Well that's the update for now...
I'm going to Barry's Bootcamp sometime this week. An intense bootcamp work-out in which you do cardio for half an hour followed by free-weights. Some hot trainer I met at Crunch last night talked me into it. Supposedly they used to give t-shirts away to people who threw up, but they were giving away too many t-shirts, so now when you puke, you just get to take a break. It's totally the sick sadist shit I love.
Sunday, August 21, 2005
Reporting from Ptown
I took the red-eye Thursday and got into Provincetown early Friday morning. In all, I got less than 3 hours of sleep, was wired on a gallon of coffee, and lost my toiletrie bag, but the four days have been worth it.
Ptown is a small paradise, and spending time with my ex has been a gift.
I'll write more on my time here when I return to LA.
Ptown is a small paradise, and spending time with my ex has been a gift.
I'll write more on my time here when I return to LA.
Tuesday, August 09, 2005
What?!
A friend...I won't say who sent me this text this afternoon:
Our friends dog just ate our used condom. What do I do? I am so embarrased but afraid hes' going to vomit it up and there'll be a condom on the floor. Aaah!
Our friends dog just ate our used condom. What do I do? I am so embarrased but afraid hes' going to vomit it up and there'll be a condom on the floor. Aaah!
Woody Allen on LA
I don't wanna live in a city where the only cultural advantage is that you can make a right turn on a red light.
Tuesday, August 02, 2005
Listing
Soooo much has happened and Im so busy at work I cant really write it down:
1) Went to birthday party for friend's personal trainer on Friday. Everyone there had a SICK ripped body. I felt skinny fat so I turned to patron gimlets. I kept wondering.. where the fuck do you find the time to work out so much? Oh yeah, that's your fucking job. The party was at Fiesta Cantina, which I realized is the high-school cafeteria for West Hollywood gays. We sat at a big table out in front...and at one point this salty gaysian friend of Kirks asks him, "Why are you sitting with all of the plastics? They're all porn stars and personal trainers."
And its then I realize those are the heros and idols of the shallow gays... and Im as shallow as a kiddie pool for midgets.
Just kidding..I'm not, but I did allow the body facism at the table to dazzle me and to make me feel bad about myself at the same time. After a couple drinks though, I was all about groping feels and hanging with Kirk.
2) I saw Carrie at the Hollywood Forever Cemetary with Kirk. So much fun. Tons of young 20 somethings packed the big lawn in front of the mauseloeum and drank their concoctions and ate their picnics. Kirk brought New York Style Deli sandwiches and cookies from Stolichnaya Bakery.
3) Met a really cute dressing-room guy at Club Monaco. But its hard for me to figure out whether or not I think he's cute because he's actually cute or because I'm a sick flirt and I like to make out with dressing-room guys.
4) I hate being poor. In trying to dress well for a job that's involved with fashion...how do you pull off a cohesive look without going broke? Shoplifting? That would be tragic. Look at Winona, she's never really recovered.
5) Michelle took advantage of Sephora's return policy which is the best in the nation. While working for her former PR agency, she got a BUTTLOAD of expensive facial products, didnt use any of them, and took them into Sephora claiming she got them at the one in SoHo New York.
She got herself a 300 credit. Now how do I convince her to get me some Strivectin-D?!
6) Jake's in town. He's still so hot it makes my head spin. He got asked to enter a stripping contest last night. Its only when you're with a really hot guy that you realize that you're not super fucking hot yourselfbecause the world all seems to fall all over itself to talk to Jake. If I wasn't fucking him, I'd hate him.
7) Work's really busy so I'll be quiet again for the next several days.
XOXOXO
1) Went to birthday party for friend's personal trainer on Friday. Everyone there had a SICK ripped body. I felt skinny fat so I turned to patron gimlets. I kept wondering.. where the fuck do you find the time to work out so much? Oh yeah, that's your fucking job. The party was at Fiesta Cantina, which I realized is the high-school cafeteria for West Hollywood gays. We sat at a big table out in front...and at one point this salty gaysian friend of Kirks asks him, "Why are you sitting with all of the plastics? They're all porn stars and personal trainers."
And its then I realize those are the heros and idols of the shallow gays... and Im as shallow as a kiddie pool for midgets.
Just kidding..I'm not, but I did allow the body facism at the table to dazzle me and to make me feel bad about myself at the same time. After a couple drinks though, I was all about groping feels and hanging with Kirk.
2) I saw Carrie at the Hollywood Forever Cemetary with Kirk. So much fun. Tons of young 20 somethings packed the big lawn in front of the mauseloeum and drank their concoctions and ate their picnics. Kirk brought New York Style Deli sandwiches and cookies from Stolichnaya Bakery.
3) Met a really cute dressing-room guy at Club Monaco. But its hard for me to figure out whether or not I think he's cute because he's actually cute or because I'm a sick flirt and I like to make out with dressing-room guys.
4) I hate being poor. In trying to dress well for a job that's involved with fashion...how do you pull off a cohesive look without going broke? Shoplifting? That would be tragic. Look at Winona, she's never really recovered.
5) Michelle took advantage of Sephora's return policy which is the best in the nation. While working for her former PR agency, she got a BUTTLOAD of expensive facial products, didnt use any of them, and took them into Sephora claiming she got them at the one in SoHo New York.
She got herself a 300 credit. Now how do I convince her to get me some Strivectin-D?!
6) Jake's in town. He's still so hot it makes my head spin. He got asked to enter a stripping contest last night. Its only when you're with a really hot guy that you realize that you're not super fucking hot yourselfbecause the world all seems to fall all over itself to talk to Jake. If I wasn't fucking him, I'd hate him.
7) Work's really busy so I'll be quiet again for the next several days.
XOXOXO
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