I meant to post this before...just realized I never did...
The day Chao left was incredibly hard. I found myself sobbing at inopportune times.
At work I had to hole myself up in the bathroom stall and let the tears out. When I had finished crying, I splashed cold water on my face and stared at myself- red eyes and puffy.
Some people look gorgeous crying. I'm not one of them.
When I walked back into the slick offices of my current PR office- the Christian Louboutin heels clacking away- one of the impossibly skinny glamourous girls noticed I had been crying- but as this office has an air of cold professionalism.... because of the hunger (for ambition, not carbs), she simply smiled at me and said, "Want some coffee?"
I loved that.
That first weekend was a little hard, but I met up with friends and went to the standard Chelsea gay house party- full of guys in stripped button down shirts (think Ted Baker), beefy bartenders in tight tees, and cocaine being snorted like its 1988.
All in all, I had some fun, but things aren't the same. My partner-in-crime is gone.
Monday, November 13, 2006
Friday, November 03, 2006
Gotta Keep Moving On
This afternoon, Tim and I meet up with Chao for lunch for the last time. Hes boarding a 4:30 plane this afternoon to move back to Los Angeles.
As usual Chao was running late for our 12:30 lunch date. I called him at 12:15 and woke him- he informed me he had to pick up his last paycheck first. So typical its expected.
At 1:15, Chao finally arrived, calling from his cell, suggesting we eat at Taco Bell instead of our usual Whole Foods locale. I refused. I won't eat there even if his car service was scheduled to stop by 2pm. We agreed to figure it out on the street.
On a hustling Broadway, I spied up the street, Chao and his usual hurried demeanor, cell phone to ear, wire-rimmed glasses framing his porcelain perfect skin, and a way too stylish trenchcoat making its last outing before being retired in sunnier environs.
We got coffee instead of lunch at Max Brenner's, and had one last session of laughter; referencing Laguna Beach, talking about future plans, and giving heart-felt wishes of good luck.
I know people come and go out of our lives. It's the way things work. But sometimes it's really hard.
I've had to say goodbye to friends before. People move, and some have even died. And a part of me selfishly wants to keep all of my loved ones at my side. In the same city to be in each other's lives completely. and not just over e-mails. All of those amazing friends who have continued to inspire and amaze me with their crazy spirit and brillance.
But for now I have to say goodbye to seeing Chao everyday. Seeing him freak out, become sober, and shop way too much. Seeing him with his hard exterior, being a total cunt to the world, and knowing the full extent of his marvelous vulnerability.
A year and a half ago, I left New York to find something. I returned not sure what I found- but now- its Chao's turn to go.
I hope you find what you're looking for. LA's a wonderful city- its a little hard at first but just make sure to enjoy the sunshine and you'll be more than fine. And go hike at Ruyon Canyon for me. Eat In-n-Out after working out and hug Jojo and visit your family more than once a month.
Best of Luck Chao Chao, I'll miss you so much it hurts. Texting and cell phone calls just aren't the same. New York will be here waiting for you in case you ever decide to come back.
As usual Chao was running late for our 12:30 lunch date. I called him at 12:15 and woke him- he informed me he had to pick up his last paycheck first. So typical its expected.
At 1:15, Chao finally arrived, calling from his cell, suggesting we eat at Taco Bell instead of our usual Whole Foods locale. I refused. I won't eat there even if his car service was scheduled to stop by 2pm. We agreed to figure it out on the street.
On a hustling Broadway, I spied up the street, Chao and his usual hurried demeanor, cell phone to ear, wire-rimmed glasses framing his porcelain perfect skin, and a way too stylish trenchcoat making its last outing before being retired in sunnier environs.
We got coffee instead of lunch at Max Brenner's, and had one last session of laughter; referencing Laguna Beach, talking about future plans, and giving heart-felt wishes of good luck.
I know people come and go out of our lives. It's the way things work. But sometimes it's really hard.
I've had to say goodbye to friends before. People move, and some have even died. And a part of me selfishly wants to keep all of my loved ones at my side. In the same city to be in each other's lives completely. and not just over e-mails. All of those amazing friends who have continued to inspire and amaze me with their crazy spirit and brillance.
But for now I have to say goodbye to seeing Chao everyday. Seeing him freak out, become sober, and shop way too much. Seeing him with his hard exterior, being a total cunt to the world, and knowing the full extent of his marvelous vulnerability.
A year and a half ago, I left New York to find something. I returned not sure what I found- but now- its Chao's turn to go.
I hope you find what you're looking for. LA's a wonderful city- its a little hard at first but just make sure to enjoy the sunshine and you'll be more than fine. And go hike at Ruyon Canyon for me. Eat In-n-Out after working out and hug Jojo and visit your family more than once a month.
Best of Luck Chao Chao, I'll miss you so much it hurts. Texting and cell phone calls just aren't the same. New York will be here waiting for you in case you ever decide to come back.
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