Lunch Date with the Networking Guru

I had a lunch date with a superbly successful CEO who's recently released a book on networking. I met Mr. CEO on a pseudo blind-date set up by my friend BC. I call it a pseduo blind-date because it was not really a date. BC and I met him at his hotel suite, we all ate, and then BC left. I left 30 minutes later. 'Nuff Said. Sad thing is I've had a string of similar "dates," when what they should be called is booty calls.

Mr. CEO is 38, gorgeous, and built like a line-backer. He's Richard Branson with a personal trainer and better genetic stock. He certainly fulfills the hot coach fantasy with his butch swagger and deep voice, and guys my age are constantly courting him looking to call him daddy.
He's been the CEO of several companies, started a famous hotel chain, and has released a NYT best selling book on how to gain sucess through the secrets of his networking prowress.
Mr. CEO is undoubtedly a great catch on paper, and most of my friends think I'm crazy for not pursuing him harder. He's funny, hot, and rich.
Most girls would settle for the last two and call it a day, but I find myself being extremely....incredibly....wary.

Part of it is the fact that he presents himself as being perfect. He's constantly selling himself, and his charm and smile make you want to believe that he his in all actuality the perfect man. Like all business-saavy alpha males, he is a master at packaging his most important product; himself. There's no self-deprication, no admission that any thing in his life is other than great, and no sign of weakness. But I'm cynical enough to know that he's hiding something. Maybe not a Jeffrey Dahmer history, but I refuse to believe that everything is as "great" as he claims it is. Maybe the butch Mr. CEO cries at Gilmore Girls and gets gas from Indian food. Maybe he beats up little puppies and is addicted to Trimspa.

How much of his perfect persona should I believe? Is Mr. CEO sincerely "great" all the time, or is he negotiating our dating life the same way he negotiates the board room?

But then again we all project better versions of ourselves when we first start dating.
I certainly hide the neuroses and mood swings from my potential suitors until I've hooked them in. Then its just a showering of abusive tirades and angry rants, but by that point the boyfriends are too invested to walk away.
(Yes, I've been in therapy....I'm working on it.)
The tricky part is figuring out how much of the whole picture you show your suitors. We hide the less desirable aspects of our personalities and present a sane put-together version of ourselves. Maybe we should we save each other time and list all of our vices upfront.
Should I tell guys on the first date that I'm an affirmation-junkie overspending lush?
Should they tell me that they'll ask me to be monogamous while they jerk off with half of Chelsea in the steam room of David Barton?
All of this really reinforces the notion that dating is a game. A game of false-impressions and packaged personas. A game of sell and buy, and I can't help feeling that I've maxed out my Amex.

So one can understand why the one-night stand is so appealing. You meet, you hook-up, and that's that. No selling, no negotiating, and no bullshit. Splash and Dash.


The other part of my hesitation with Mr. CEO it is that I'm sadly still really into my ex-boyfriend. In a lot of ways, I consider the EX to be the perfect man, and I inevitably compare all other men to him. Every guy I've dated since him hasn't been as intelligent, ambitious, or sexy as him. But he's not my boyfriend anymore, he's my ex-boyfriend, and all this comparison has me blowing off guys left and right. I often wonder, then, if I'm sabotaging any future with other men by continually living in the past.

I had cancelled my dinner date with Mr. CEO last night because the EX and I have been talking on the phone a lot lately.
But as I was walking down a deserted Market Street last night, the cold wind hit some sense into me.
There's no guarantee that things will ever change for the EX and I. We were toxic to each other in the past, and he seems too wary to give us another shot.
I want to find love again, and eventually start a family. It doesn't have to start tomorrow, but I don't want to waste another year pining away for a man who's destined to be my friend.
So when Mr. CEO called today to see if I could meet up for lunch, I decided to say yes.
He's still slick as oil so I doubt anything will come of us hanging out, and I suspect that Mr. CEO has a boyfriend. But I think its healthy for me to keep my options open. And I'm going to encourage the EX to do the same.

I need a dog. A dog that can pay for dinner every now and then.