Well I think that most of you should avoid that instinct because let's face it, most of us are completely incapable of being fit parents.
And it's not just women who have these maternal instincts. It seems that gay dads are becoming increasingly more common . I see gay dads everywhere in Chelsea and West Hollywood pushing the strollers of their ethnic children. Its incredibly adorable but I often feel as if these men are really smug- their eyes taunting my empty shallow life.
I just know they're thinking:
"Oh look at that sad queen, still going out to the gay bars cruising for sex. Hmmph! Thank god for [insert Chinese daugther's name]
And then I think to myself"
"I hope your daughter grows up fat and mean. "
But lately, something strange has been stirring inside me. Something more than just indigestion from King Taco. I've been having some pangs of desire to be a father. Me? A dad?
I don't know where it's come from but I think I'd love to impart a child with kind wisdom and independence, and to be able to nurture their lives with love and Prada.
And if I had a daughter, I would only feed her steamed veggies and brown rice, make her take yoga and ballet at a young age, get her accutane, and braces, all to ensure that she would someday become America's Next Top Model.
But even if I wanted to be a dad, as great or horrible as that could be, the role of a gay father is riddled with several obstacles.
One it's nearly impossible to legally adopt unless you've got extreme patience and a Swiss Bank account.
Two it's hard enough finding a man to be a good boyfriend; much less a good father.
But some men have decided they don't need to wait for Prince Charming to arrive. There are several gay men that I've heard of who are doing the unthinkable and having kids on their own.
Now that takes balls. Or a high threshold for pain.
Having children and being a good father would be a incredible experience- and the idea of seeing the man I love with our child, his strong arms tossing little Giselle in the air, is almost too much for me to bear. I want to be a dad.
Now I'm kind of alone on this one among my friends.
My friend Nam, a successful banker who could actually afford a child at this point, has no desire to have a child. Recently over a Korean dinner, Nam stressed the biggest argument against children.
"For one thing, children never go away. Once you have a kid, they're in your life for good. I can't even committ to having a dog.
But more importantly, you raise them, you love them, you bascially give them your entire life. And what do you get in return? Unappreciative torture. They'll hate you once they turn 14 because children are ingrates. They'll hold everything against you all the while draining you of your money and livelihood. Fuck that. Let me work on getting a dog instead. At least a dog won't tell me I'm a bad parent for not buying them a pony. And a dog will die in 14 years."
My friend Chao, an attorney, goes even further than that and hates other people's children.
He wrote me recently with the subject line: Families and Babies Suck!!
and the following email with a NYT link
"i hate fucking self-righteous parents and their horrible little bastards... ew."
http://www.nytimes.com/2005/11/09/national/09bakery.html?incamp=article_popular_1
If I have a kid, will I have to find new friends? Is that what happens to people with children... do you befriend other parents and act smug together?
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