I'm trying to be a better person, I really am.
I just wish I could stop fixating on the same issues in my life- it seems as if I'm arrested in this stage where I obsessively think about looks and sex which I think is what's expected of me as a gay man.
That compulsive need to be affirmed for how I look is so spiritually vacant and boring that its frustrating to think that I've been trying to get past this for most of my adult life.
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