Everybody wants to come to Hollywood

Okay so it's been a week and in that past week I've:
-Eaten too much In-n-Out. I'm afraid my digestive system is permenaently backed up, and frankly, I think it's worth it.
-Have spent about 10 hours in traffic. It's really that bad. There have been times that I've convinced myself that I entered a black hole/space time continum vortex and have backtracked. And other times, I figure I might as well park on the 405 and walk home.
-Attended the Sunday T-Dance party at the Standard Downtown. Think NYC fashionistas with better tans and more coke. I saw a girl in a white thong with cellulite. My friend Joanne told me that the THONGed one asked her for a tampoon in the bathroom. Quelle horror. Our friend who's a manager for the Standard invited us to the "in-crowd" event where everyone sported labels and flesh. It felt like everyone was trying really hard to be cool, and I found the dancing on furniture and smiling to be annoying as fuck.
My favorite over-used phrase, "My goal is to be bi-coastal." Duh, fuckwad, but I doubt you'll achieve that by shoving a kilo of coke up your left nostril.
-Have met more crazy people than my last visit to grandpa's mental unit. Including potential roommates. One girl was a complete sweetheart, but she told me she's really into going out to gay bars and hasn't had a date since high school. She's now 28. I had to pass on that one. I'm not Will, sweetie, go become someone else's Grace.
I don't do fag hags. Period.
-My hottie bartender came down to visit, and of course every where we went people approached him and asked him if he wanted to be an actor, model, or porn star.
I was offered a drink.

Have to go back to work. It's my second day here. will report more later.