Fat Actress

In the past 24 hours I've eaten a pint of Ben and Jerrys, a burrito, and four turkey burgers. And it's all because I'm now dating someone. It's my Catch-22 with dating; I attract hot eligible guys with a worked out bod and primped look. But the minute I I start seeing someone regularly, I start slacking off at the gym and start eating whole pints of ice cream. It's the false advertising that goes with dating- what you end up with isn't necessarily what you started out with. And its happens to all people; gay and straight.

So I'm a lot hotter when I'm single, and especially when I've just broken up with someone. Nothing fuels your drive at the gym more than the thought of your ex-boyfriend hooking up with other guys. You want to be as hot as possible the next time you run into the fucker. And when I'm single, it pays off often enough to be in great shape to keep me running to the gym.

But shouldn't we be more concerned about the guys that we're currently with? Shouldn't I make the effort to be as hot as possible for the guy I already have, and not just the one-night stands and the ex-boyfriend?

Well, yeah I should, but TOO BAD I take guys I date for granted. I think most of us do.

If I have you, then you're probably going to see my fat ass in a pair of sweats watching Sex and the City.


Last night I was home like a good boy sending out resumes when my bartender surprised me with a DVD and a pint of Cherry Garcia. Sweet sentiment, sure, but I'm not sure I'm committed enough to this relationship to start my decline towards becoming a fat fuck.