Spiderman

I was watching Spiderman 2 last night when a string of important facts hit me:

1) Tobey Maguire is really not cute. He's kinda pudgy, has a funny-shaped head, and is as pale as a meth addict.

I kept wishing that they had replaced Tobey with Jake Gyllenhall as it had been rumored, because Jake is HOT.

Jake is so hot that I went and saw the Day After Tomorrow- a film about an apocalyptic ice age and was genuinely dissapointed when there were no shirtless scenes.

Jake is so hot that I google his name and look at pics of him. Tobey, well, Tobey honey...you just make me miss Jake. There's a similarity between the two of them, but Jake is like the hotter version of Tobey.

2) And then I remembered how fucking neurotic I am about there being hotter versions of people out there....well because I've MET mine!

There's this fucking model who goes to my gym in NYC who is ga-ga gorgeous. We don't look exactly alike but there's a strong enough similarity that people constantly point it out. Except he's like a supermodel/sex god that gay groupies fawn over.

How the fuck did I end up being Tobey Maguire?! I want to be Jake! I want to be the hot version, fucker!

3) During my interview, I mentioned to the studen loan group that I think the cost of education is so high that I sort of wish I would have gone to a community school and then transferred to a four-year group. Now, what the fuck was I thinking?! You don't tell a group of people who's company makes money off of student loans that you don't believe in the high cost of education....or do you? Did I just fuck myself?