Get the boat to dock...

I picked up the New York times around my third cup of coffee today. The date says Sunday April 3 but on the front cover there's an article that says, "Pope, though gravely ill, utters thanks for Prayers; Spokesman says Conciousness is Fading."

Well, someone better inform the Spokesman that the P-man has croaked. The Pope's been dead for well over 24 hours, so why is it that my copy of todays NYT has an article about how's he's hanging on?! Because I am stuck on a fucking cruise ship. I'm stuck on the Atlantis cruise line for hippies, known as SF, with it's outdated news and pot-smoking malaise.

Ooohh, a cruise line is SUCH a good metaphor for this city. I feel like I've seen the same 50 people this past week, and we all bump into each other on our way to group activities and the brunch buffet.
"Did you sign up for the bike ride through the country?"

All anyone does is sit around and drink coffee, shop for organic groceries at Trader Joe's, and smoke pot as they garden. HOW FUCKING BORING IS THAT?!?!? REAAALLLY fucking boring you fuckhead.

That's a VACATION, people, not real life. SF, you are the most lackisdasical city in the world.
No one ever seems to be getting much shit done, and people seem to lack any sense of organization.
Everyones a fucking flake; people make plans with a two hour time window and seem to meander around the city talking about liberal they are. Well I don't need to be told, smelly-hippie, I could tell by your pierced-lip and thrift-store attire that you voted for Ralph Nader in 2000. Fuckhead.
(Btw, I am severely liberal myself, but not uninformed, and I feel that these SF freaks co-opt the liberal political title and associate it with militant veganism and PETA causes. I myself love steak and fur. SO back the fuck off! I'll be at Peter Lugers in Brooklyn wearing my mink and turning it, and I'll loooove it.)

And everyone on this cruise ship is a social RETARD. People don't really make eye contact unless it's a cruising stare, and every merchant is a self-righteous clown. I ordered a double tall soy latte, and the white barista with dreadlocks tells me, "I don't have tall. I only have small, medium, and large."
What...the.....fuck?
It's just coffee, shitbrick. Spare me the re-education, Marley, and give me my latte.
UGH!!!!

I need a faster pace! I need personalities with a biting edge. I need abrasive cunty people with strong opinions on fashion and news, and not the same derivative liberal arguments coming from California space-cadets.
What I really need is a busy day filled with brunch plans, homework, and projects. I need to be exhausted at the end of the day by my work and social life.

Everyone here is laying out in the sun on the ship's deck.

And I don't operate like that. I like schedules, appointments, and checklists. And to think that among my friends in NYC, I am perhaps the most free-spirited. But you crunchy fags seem to live in a permanently stoned world.

So SF friends and former Stanford classmates, fucking get your shit together and tell me what time you want to meet up for drinks.