Let's Get Physical

Everytime I work at the gym here I am horrified at what the faggots of San Francisco wear to the gym. I'm seeing way too many fucking booty shorts and tight tank tops on geriatrics who wear orthopedic shoes. OH, IF I WAS ONLY KIDDING! Orthopedic shoes.....gag on that.

Listen boys, try to wear baggier shorts and cuter tank tops. If you're body fat percentage is over 20 percent, wear as much clothing as possible. I don't want to see your rolls hanging over your spandex shorts, and you'll sweat more with extra layers. In fact try to get to the gym before noon so that I don't have to see you work out at all. Thanks, and good luck.

The gyms in SF are pretty fucking gay- meaning that the demographic of the members is probably around 90% gay men, 7% lesbian, 2% transsexual, and 1% straight. Yes, there are more trannies than straight people in some gay gyms- and there is NOTHING like seeing a big-titty tranny in tights on a stairmaster.

Gyms are a fundamental social gathering for many gays; almost analgous to the cafeteria in high school. You cruise, get cruised. You shoot the shit with your friends, and you check each other out. It's a friendly atmosphere that's rich in sexual tension, and it's perhaps one of the few places that gay men gather where you they aren't holding a cocktail.
But since it is so sexually charged, there's alot of akwardness that floods from insecurity and sex addicts. Some fags seemed freaked out by the gayness of it all and avoid eye contact altogether, shifting nervously from foot to foot, and walking heavilly through the gym. I've certainly had days where I don't want to deal with the cruising and the bullshit kiki conversations.
And then we have your fucking sex addicts- those guys who CANNOT leave the gym before shooting their load. They hang around the lockers, steam room, and the free weights- looking to score some gym action. Fucking whores. I may have splashed and dashed at various gyms in my day, but I've never made it a habit. In fact, I try not to shit where I eat because quite frankly you DO NOT want to be known as the hungry mouth of Gold's Gym.


Essential to the gay gym experience is your relationship with your kiki friends- your gossiping circle that knows the shit on EVERYONE.

At my old gym in NYC, there were these two really cute latin guys who had these ripped buff bodies because they spent all of their time in the gym. They had no real jobs. Their trust funds meant they simply reported to the gym as their day at the office. So of course they had great bodies. BUT they were also HUUUUUGE fucking queens. Catty, cunty, high-pitched banshees. And these girls knew everyone's shit at Crunch. They knew dick size, relationship history, bank accounts, and wierd turn-ons. If I ever needed to know anything about a potential date/hook-up, I just needed to ask the Yentas of Crunch.

I fucking miss my old gym in NYC with its beevy of buff studs. Now I all I have to look at is the gay version of The Golden Girls. There are some hotties, but no one that's awe-inspiring. I look to the really hot guys to keep me motivated to work out. Maybe that's why I'm working out less in San Francisco.