Party and Puke

A couple nights back a friend of the bartender invited us over for a drink.
So I expected Corona and Ketel, but there was no alcohol. None. Not even a shitty malt drink.

But that's because when he said "drinks" what he meant was "powdered uppers."

Ohhhh, I guess I need a translator in SF. In New York we have this funny thing about calling a spade a spade. Drinks to me mean martinis and beer. Fucking crackheads.

Look, I've been a CRACK HEAD. The biggest. I've been in EVERY bathroom stall in gay bars in New York, SF, LA and Berlin. And I'm almost done with Miami.

And evertime I've been cracked out, I say to myself, "This is got to be the last time. I'm not doing coke for awhile."

LYING BITCH. You'll be line for the bathroom next week at Hiro.

but we all know it's true, CRACK IS WHACK.

It makes you ugly and boring. Fucks with your skin and your brain.

And no one wants that. Gay guys don't want that. We spend all our time primping and chatting. So why are us gays some of the biggest crackheads?! We're right on up there with white trash and urban black and hispanic youth. And before I get a letter from the ACLU, I come from an ethnic tribe, and I speak the truth from a very liberal heart.

Maybe it's our disposable income or our insatiable appetitie for nightlife, but drug use is very much connected to urban gay life. Most gay life centers around bars or circuit parties. We don't seem to mingle in sober enviroments which makes our relationships with drugs and alcohol very tricky. We don't meet guys unless we there's a bottle of vodka nearby or we're dancing to Junior Vasquez. So of course single horny guys drink and do a bump...because every other hottie is doing the same. And if you have to join in to get laid, then so be it.

Totally dumb fucking thinking, but I'm just as guilty as everyone else.

I've been a crackhead- strung out and retarded, and I can't honestly say that I won't partake in the festivities again.
But since I'm trying to get my shit together, I'm making a concerted effort to stay clean and focused. Does this mean I should go to AA meeings? (where btw, everyone chain smokes and guzzles starbucks) Does this mean I'm an addict?
All I'm certain about is my desire to have a a better life; and I don't think that coke and circuit parties are going to be part of that.
That said, I've told myself that I'll treat myself to Gay Pride's Alegria. (for those uninitiated, Alegria is a bi-monthly circuit party in NYC. It's quite simply a great party. The music's insane, and the guys are hot as hell.)
So now I'm staying relatively sober by promising myself Gay Pride in NYC. Either that's REALLY pathetic or REALLY realistic.

But the place where I do draw an ABSOLUTE line with drugs use is with Party and Play. (Meaning doing Crystal meth and participating in sexual play with other meth heads; usually resulting in marathon sex sessions with a group of strangers)

I've done it twice. Don't regret it.
But I'll never do it again.

Doing crystal fucks with yer head. It makes you so horny and crazy that you'll try anything. Fisting?? Sure, why not? (For the record, I have NEVER been involved in any fisting activity) And so there is a strong correlation between crystal use and a rise in seroconversion rates. Methheads bareback, and I think we all need to keep re-reading the memo that HIV sucks. I don't want to be sick and taking a fucking cocktail of meds.

So when I entered that apartment and I saw what was going on, I freaked out a little bit. Luckily, the bartending hottie agreed and we didn't participate in that PNP action. But that scene seems very much alive here in SF.